Saturday, June 04, 2011
My Granddaughter Sapphira 2 Birthday
Well Sapphira turned 2 in May I didn't get to go to see her but my son and her mother made sure I got pictures they knew how important it was to me, I hope I get to go see her sometime this summer.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
My Granddaughter
It has been a long time since I last wrote a lot of things have happen in the last year and a half. I am a grandmother to a beautiful little girl. I am so proud of my son that he took responsibility for her because he is not with her mother. I told him he was more of a men then his birth father ever was and that I was very proud of him for doing that.
I have only seen my granddaughter one time that was on here first birthday she lives so far away from me her mother sends me picture off and on all the time. I am hoping I will be able to go to see her this May for her second Birthday.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
10 year Anniversary
My son and I have been reunited for 10 years now(May 1, 1999) and during the 10 yours we have gotten to know one another and we have a pretty good relationship I think. During the 10 years I have made a lot of mistakes in my reunion with my son, a lot of mistakes I wish hadn't made. But my reunion I will never regret doing or searching for my son he now has medical history that he will need as he gets older.That is more then what he had 10 years ago and I know he is ok.
Friday, November 17, 2006
My Reunion
We talked by email for over two months, In one of the emails in April 99 he asked me if I wanted to meet, I said oh God yes he then told me to call him later on in the week, he then gave me his number. When I found him he was going to Collage in Clarksville Arkansas so on April 29, 1999 I talked to my son for the first time. He was just as nerves as I was; we both had a reason to be nerves we setup to meet on Saturday May 1st in Arlington Tx at a restaurant.
I got up early that Saturday morning; I had to drive three hours to get to the place, where I was to meet my son. I lifted real early that morning I was so nerves and very scared. I was afraid he wouldn’t like me or he would be mad at me for giving him up. The three hour drive was the longest in my life I thought I would never get there. When I got to Arlington I was early so I went to one of the Malls close to where we was to meet and walked around for a while. When it was close to the time to meet my son I lifted the Mall and went to the Restaurant.
When I got to the restaurant I parked my Van and sat there because I didn’t know what to do, set there are go in the restaurant.I sat there for a few minutes then I saw my son come around the corner of the building, and how I knew it was my son he looked just like me. I thought Oh my God there he is it is really him, something that I have dreamed about for a long time has come true. He said hello and asked me if I wanted to go inside and we went inside. The first thing I said to him was Aaron I didn’t abandon you he said he knew that.
When I saw him all I wanted to do is to hug him and not let him go but I didn’t do that I was afraid to do it, I was afraid to do anything I was shocked that he was even standing there. When we went inside of the restaurant he told me he had two friends with him put they wouldn’t be setting with us so we could talk and not be bothered, I said ok I met his friends and we went on to a table.
We sat down and started talking, the first questions he asked was why did I gave him up for adoption and who was his birthfather. Those two questions I knew he was going to ask and I was prepared to answer them and I did. For every question I had an answer I told him the truth. The one thing I will never forget is when he asked about his birthfather the look on his face when I told him what his birthfather did when he was told about the pregnancy the hurt look on his face I will always remember that look.
I told him the truth about his adoption and what his birthfather did. I wanted him to understand I didn’t want anything from him but to know him, I wanted him to know that I have always loved him, and that I wanted him to have a good life. After we talked for a while we ate lunch and then we went outside to take pictures. One of his friend’s took the pictures of us and of are first hug, that hug I will never forget. Because of that hug I knew that the reunion was real and not a dream. He asked if he could see me the next day I told him I had to call home and that I would call him he gave me his cell Phone number.We said are goodbyes I watch him drive away as he drove away I started crying I couldn’t believe what had just happen my dream had come true my prayers were answered. I sat in the parking lot of the restaurant for awhile until I stopped crying.
I called home with excitement that he wanted to see me again and I told Mike that I wasn’t coming home that he wanted to see me again. Mike told me to get a Motel room and come home and get him and the kids that I could go back. I called Aaron and told him what I was going to do, I went and got a room and drove 3 hours home to Merkel TX to get my family and I turned around and drove 3 more hours back to Arlington. When we got back to Arlington and in the motel room I called Aaron and told him I was back in town and where we were. I told him his brother and sister and Mike was with me and was excited about meeting him. That night was long I thought morning would never come? When morning came I got up and got ready and waited for Aaron to call to see what time he would be coming.
The call came and he was coming, I couldn’t wait for Michelle and James to finally meet their older brother, something that I had dreamed about for a long time it was about to happen.
When Aaron got to the motel room he met Michelle and James and my husband Mike we sat and talked for a while and then we went to eat. We went in two cars I road with Aaron in his car that’s when I told him his name I would have given him if I would have kept him. His name would had been Michael Dwaine he said he liked the name Michael. We talked about different things but mostly about my family he wanted to know and I told him.
We went to a Mall to eat and looked around it was raining that day so we couldn’t do anything outside. Time went by so fast and it was time to leave I didn’t want to go I didn’t want the day to end. Before we left I took pictures. That day I took a picture of all three of my children together and that picture I will cherish for ever.
As we were leaving I watched Aaron drive away and tears came to my eyes I only hoped I would see him again.
I got up early that Saturday morning; I had to drive three hours to get to the place, where I was to meet my son. I lifted real early that morning I was so nerves and very scared. I was afraid he wouldn’t like me or he would be mad at me for giving him up. The three hour drive was the longest in my life I thought I would never get there. When I got to Arlington I was early so I went to one of the Malls close to where we was to meet and walked around for a while. When it was close to the time to meet my son I lifted the Mall and went to the Restaurant.
When I got to the restaurant I parked my Van and sat there because I didn’t know what to do, set there are go in the restaurant.I sat there for a few minutes then I saw my son come around the corner of the building, and how I knew it was my son he looked just like me. I thought Oh my God there he is it is really him, something that I have dreamed about for a long time has come true. He said hello and asked me if I wanted to go inside and we went inside. The first thing I said to him was Aaron I didn’t abandon you he said he knew that.
When I saw him all I wanted to do is to hug him and not let him go but I didn’t do that I was afraid to do it, I was afraid to do anything I was shocked that he was even standing there. When we went inside of the restaurant he told me he had two friends with him put they wouldn’t be setting with us so we could talk and not be bothered, I said ok I met his friends and we went on to a table.
We sat down and started talking, the first questions he asked was why did I gave him up for adoption and who was his birthfather. Those two questions I knew he was going to ask and I was prepared to answer them and I did. For every question I had an answer I told him the truth. The one thing I will never forget is when he asked about his birthfather the look on his face when I told him what his birthfather did when he was told about the pregnancy the hurt look on his face I will always remember that look.
I told him the truth about his adoption and what his birthfather did. I wanted him to understand I didn’t want anything from him but to know him, I wanted him to know that I have always loved him, and that I wanted him to have a good life. After we talked for a while we ate lunch and then we went outside to take pictures. One of his friend’s took the pictures of us and of are first hug, that hug I will never forget. Because of that hug I knew that the reunion was real and not a dream. He asked if he could see me the next day I told him I had to call home and that I would call him he gave me his cell Phone number.We said are goodbyes I watch him drive away as he drove away I started crying I couldn’t believe what had just happen my dream had come true my prayers were answered. I sat in the parking lot of the restaurant for awhile until I stopped crying.
I called home with excitement that he wanted to see me again and I told Mike that I wasn’t coming home that he wanted to see me again. Mike told me to get a Motel room and come home and get him and the kids that I could go back. I called Aaron and told him what I was going to do, I went and got a room and drove 3 hours home to Merkel TX to get my family and I turned around and drove 3 more hours back to Arlington. When we got back to Arlington and in the motel room I called Aaron and told him I was back in town and where we were. I told him his brother and sister and Mike was with me and was excited about meeting him. That night was long I thought morning would never come? When morning came I got up and got ready and waited for Aaron to call to see what time he would be coming.
The call came and he was coming, I couldn’t wait for Michelle and James to finally meet their older brother, something that I had dreamed about for a long time it was about to happen.
When Aaron got to the motel room he met Michelle and James and my husband Mike we sat and talked for a while and then we went to eat. We went in two cars I road with Aaron in his car that’s when I told him his name I would have given him if I would have kept him. His name would had been Michael Dwaine he said he liked the name Michael. We talked about different things but mostly about my family he wanted to know and I told him.
We went to a Mall to eat and looked around it was raining that day so we couldn’t do anything outside. Time went by so fast and it was time to leave I didn’t want to go I didn’t want the day to end. Before we left I took pictures. That day I took a picture of all three of my children together and that picture I will cherish for ever.
As we were leaving I watched Aaron drive away and tears came to my eyes I only hoped I would see him again.
My Search
In the beginning I said I would never search for my son, because I thought I had no right to do so. But on January 15th, 1997 that all changed when I got that letter from the Methodist Mission Home requesting that I contact them concerning my son. I knew when I got that letter from them that something was seriously wrong with him or they wouldn’t have notified me for updated medical History. When I was told about my son’s cancer all I thought about was my God he was going to die, and he would never know how much I loved him. Months went by and I suffered depression and low self- esteem a friend at work told me about a group called TxCare that was based in the Dallas and Ft Worth area, so I looked them up on the computer, and joined the group, that was in December 98.
When I started searching for my son I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing I didn’t want them to tell me I wouldn’t find him . I put it in God hands that I was going to find him and I felt that God wanted me to search for him that he wanted us together again. I read a lot on searching and how to do it. I also made a lot of friends along the way with adoptees and Birthparents. When I found TxCare I found people that truly understood how I felt and was willing to help me. I tried a lot of the search tips no find. Then one day I got a search tip off the TxCare list. The tip was for people that were using AOL, so I tried it. I wrote fifteen emails to members with the same birthday as my son’s, and waited for any replies I would get, they started coming in one by one. Then one day one came in saying he was born in Bexar County. I sent an email back asking him if he was adopted he said yes. We emailed back and fourth a few times he told me that he was adopted out of the Methodist Mission Home in San Antonio. I said to myself my God it’s him it has to be him because there was only one male baby born on that day from the Methodist Mission Home.
I emailed him one night and asked him a question. I asked him when he was twenty was he diagnosed with colon cancer? He said yes and how did I know about that, I told him the Agency told me about the cancer. I knew then that I had found my son this was in February 99 one week after my 40th birthday. That night I sat my family down and told them that I had been searching for my son that I have given up for adoption back in 1976 and that I had found him and that is why I had been on the computer so much. They told me that they knew I was doing something but they didn’t know what.The day I found my son was a very emotional day for me. I couldn’t believe that I did it. God brought us back together for a reason. My faith in God has gotten stranger, and I do believe this happen to me for a reason, that day I found out his name was Aaron
When I started searching for my son I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing I didn’t want them to tell me I wouldn’t find him . I put it in God hands that I was going to find him and I felt that God wanted me to search for him that he wanted us together again. I read a lot on searching and how to do it. I also made a lot of friends along the way with adoptees and Birthparents. When I found TxCare I found people that truly understood how I felt and was willing to help me. I tried a lot of the search tips no find. Then one day I got a search tip off the TxCare list. The tip was for people that were using AOL, so I tried it. I wrote fifteen emails to members with the same birthday as my son’s, and waited for any replies I would get, they started coming in one by one. Then one day one came in saying he was born in Bexar County. I sent an email back asking him if he was adopted he said yes. We emailed back and fourth a few times he told me that he was adopted out of the Methodist Mission Home in San Antonio. I said to myself my God it’s him it has to be him because there was only one male baby born on that day from the Methodist Mission Home.
I emailed him one night and asked him a question. I asked him when he was twenty was he diagnosed with colon cancer? He said yes and how did I know about that, I told him the Agency told me about the cancer. I knew then that I had found my son this was in February 99 one week after my 40th birthday. That night I sat my family down and told them that I had been searching for my son that I have given up for adoption back in 1976 and that I had found him and that is why I had been on the computer so much. They told me that they knew I was doing something but they didn’t know what.The day I found my son was a very emotional day for me. I couldn’t believe that I did it. God brought us back together for a reason. My faith in God has gotten stranger, and I do believe this happen to me for a reason, that day I found out his name was Aaron
The Letter From The Agency
On January 19, 1997 I got a letter from San Antonio when I saw the address I knew it was from the Methodist Mission Home. I had never forgotten that address, the letter stated that they wanted me to contact them for information. I contacted them the next day to find out what they wanted. Mona post adoption told me that they needed updated medical history on my family that my son was ill, and as soon as they got the medical history she would tell me what was wrong with my son. That she couldn’t give me any information at that time I told her I would get the medical history to her in the next few days. Mona also told me I could send a picture in my letter with my first name on the back; I had to search for a good picture to send. I found one but it was a few years old but it was a good one.
I started calling family member’s that night to get the updated medical history. I wanted to get the information to them as soon and as fast as I could so I could find out what was wrong with my son. I knew it had to be bad because why would they contact me wanting more Medical History. I was glad I sent them my new address, so they wouldn’t have to search long for me. I sent the letter that had the updated medical history the next day I knew it would take a few days before they would have it and be able to tell me what was wrong with my son. A few days went by before I called Mona to see if she had my letter, she told me that she got the letter and that she had put a letter in the mail to me to tell me what was wrong with my son.
She went on to say that the medical information that they needed to give me, was given by my son’s adopted father. His son was recently diagnosed with cancer of the colon and that he has had surgery and was recovering very well, and that the Doctors feel that the cancer was found very early and there is no indication of it having spread. That the Doctors did feel that I needed to be informed in order to share this information with my Doctor in case there is a hereditary factor. His adopted parents wanted Mona to reassure me that he was in college and living a normal happy life. I was devastated with the news of my son’s Cancer, I thought oh my God he is so young, why him he don’t deserve this, his life is just starting. I cried for days after I heard the news, I couldn’t find out anything because they could only tell me what the adopted parents wanted me to know and that wasn’t much, the hardest part was is not knowing.
A few months went by and I still didn’t know very much just what I was told in the beginning that he had cancer. In July 1997 I wrote a letter to the agency to see if they could find out how my son was doing. I also asked if they had the original birth certificate in the file. The letter I got back did give me more information on my son he had completed chemotherapy and no further treatment is anticipated or needed. He has responded very well to the treatment and the doctors feel very positive about his future prognosis. That did make me feel a little better but I wanted to see for myself that he was ok, but I knew that would be impossible.
In the letter I found out that the courts sealed the original birth certificate when a child is placed in adoption. That they had an Informal Registry and I could get the Documents that I signed along with the social history forms that I completed and the medical records from the birth. I had to send a letter requesting these things and a $25.00 check. In the letter she sent me an Informal Registry form and a Waiver of Confidentiality. I sent a letter requesting the documents and I also sent the Informal Registry form in so my name would be put on the registry as soon as possible. I was hoping someday Michael would want to know me, and contact the agency because I knew I wouldn’t be able to contact him through his adopted parents, I had to contact him. Months went by and I found myself very depressed not knowing what was going on with Michael. I had to find out some way I was worried sick. In December 1997 I wrote the agency to see if they could see if Michael would be open to contact. In the letter I got back Mona told me that maybe I should wait until the summer time and then try to contact him directly. I didn’t want to wait but I knew she was right I should wait until the summer to contact him.
Time went by slowly waiting for summer to get here, that I wondered if he would even want contact with me. In June 98 I wrote the agency to see if they would contact Michael to see if he would be interested in contact. A few weeks went by I sent Mona an email to ask if she had heard from Michael. I got an email back from Mona, in the email she said that she had talked to the adopted father and he told her to send the letter to the lawyer that represents his son. That the lawyer would give him the letter, and then I hope to hear that he wants to receive the updated information. A few months went by I didn’t hear anything I started thinking about searching for him but I didn’t know anything about searching.
I started calling family member’s that night to get the updated medical history. I wanted to get the information to them as soon and as fast as I could so I could find out what was wrong with my son. I knew it had to be bad because why would they contact me wanting more Medical History. I was glad I sent them my new address, so they wouldn’t have to search long for me. I sent the letter that had the updated medical history the next day I knew it would take a few days before they would have it and be able to tell me what was wrong with my son. A few days went by before I called Mona to see if she had my letter, she told me that she got the letter and that she had put a letter in the mail to me to tell me what was wrong with my son.
She went on to say that the medical information that they needed to give me, was given by my son’s adopted father. His son was recently diagnosed with cancer of the colon and that he has had surgery and was recovering very well, and that the Doctors feel that the cancer was found very early and there is no indication of it having spread. That the Doctors did feel that I needed to be informed in order to share this information with my Doctor in case there is a hereditary factor. His adopted parents wanted Mona to reassure me that he was in college and living a normal happy life. I was devastated with the news of my son’s Cancer, I thought oh my God he is so young, why him he don’t deserve this, his life is just starting. I cried for days after I heard the news, I couldn’t find out anything because they could only tell me what the adopted parents wanted me to know and that wasn’t much, the hardest part was is not knowing.
A few months went by and I still didn’t know very much just what I was told in the beginning that he had cancer. In July 1997 I wrote a letter to the agency to see if they could find out how my son was doing. I also asked if they had the original birth certificate in the file. The letter I got back did give me more information on my son he had completed chemotherapy and no further treatment is anticipated or needed. He has responded very well to the treatment and the doctors feel very positive about his future prognosis. That did make me feel a little better but I wanted to see for myself that he was ok, but I knew that would be impossible.
In the letter I found out that the courts sealed the original birth certificate when a child is placed in adoption. That they had an Informal Registry and I could get the Documents that I signed along with the social history forms that I completed and the medical records from the birth. I had to send a letter requesting these things and a $25.00 check. In the letter she sent me an Informal Registry form and a Waiver of Confidentiality. I sent a letter requesting the documents and I also sent the Informal Registry form in so my name would be put on the registry as soon as possible. I was hoping someday Michael would want to know me, and contact the agency because I knew I wouldn’t be able to contact him through his adopted parents, I had to contact him. Months went by and I found myself very depressed not knowing what was going on with Michael. I had to find out some way I was worried sick. In December 1997 I wrote the agency to see if they could see if Michael would be open to contact. In the letter I got back Mona told me that maybe I should wait until the summer time and then try to contact him directly. I didn’t want to wait but I knew she was right I should wait until the summer to contact him.
Time went by slowly waiting for summer to get here, that I wondered if he would even want contact with me. In June 98 I wrote the agency to see if they would contact Michael to see if he would be interested in contact. A few weeks went by I sent Mona an email to ask if she had heard from Michael. I got an email back from Mona, in the email she said that she had talked to the adopted father and he told her to send the letter to the lawyer that represents his son. That the lawyer would give him the letter, and then I hope to hear that he wants to receive the updated information. A few months went by I didn’t hear anything I started thinking about searching for him but I didn’t know anything about searching.
What Giving My Son Up Did To Me
In June 1983 I found out I was pregnant and on March 7th 1984 my daughter Michelle was born it took three years to get her here; I thought I was never going to have another baby. When I had my Daughter I was over protective of her, when I was in the hospital she stayed in my room all the time, I didn’t want her out of my sight. I was afraid someone was going to come and take her away, just like they did with Michael. That’s what giving Michael up did to me, the fear of loosing another child.
When my son James was born 27 months later I was the same way with him, very protective of him, the fear of loosing another child was still there 9 ½ years after I gave Michael up. Giving Michael up has caused a lot of pain for me, a kind of pain and sadness that will never go away. I had a lot of anger towards my Dad; he forced me in to giving Michael up, not thinking what it would do to me.
Every year on Michael’s birthday I cry for him, the hardest year was his first birthday, I thought about Michael all the time. As time went by it got easier to think about Michael without crying, but there was not a day that went by that I don’t think about him. On his first Birthday I wanted to be alone to think about Michael. I made sure that my Dad knew I was hurting that day, because he sent me there, and it was my Dad that made me give Michael up for adoption, I had a lot of anger towards him and still do.
Each year on Michael’s Birthday I said Happy Birthday to a baby I had in my memory because I thought I would never be able to say it to him. As time went by I often wondered how Michael was doing if he was happy and healthy and growing up strong, all I could do is hope he was ok. I knew I would never know, because I gave that right to know up when he was 3 days old. I always will wonder about Michael what his first word was, how old he was when he took his first steps, when he cut his first tooth his first hair cute, I missed out on that, and it hurts when I think about it.
When my son James was born 27 months later I was the same way with him, very protective of him, the fear of loosing another child was still there 9 ½ years after I gave Michael up. Giving Michael up has caused a lot of pain for me, a kind of pain and sadness that will never go away. I had a lot of anger towards my Dad; he forced me in to giving Michael up, not thinking what it would do to me.
Every year on Michael’s birthday I cry for him, the hardest year was his first birthday, I thought about Michael all the time. As time went by it got easier to think about Michael without crying, but there was not a day that went by that I don’t think about him. On his first Birthday I wanted to be alone to think about Michael. I made sure that my Dad knew I was hurting that day, because he sent me there, and it was my Dad that made me give Michael up for adoption, I had a lot of anger towards him and still do.
Each year on Michael’s Birthday I said Happy Birthday to a baby I had in my memory because I thought I would never be able to say it to him. As time went by I often wondered how Michael was doing if he was happy and healthy and growing up strong, all I could do is hope he was ok. I knew I would never know, because I gave that right to know up when he was 3 days old. I always will wonder about Michael what his first word was, how old he was when he took his first steps, when he cut his first tooth his first hair cute, I missed out on that, and it hurts when I think about it.
Letter To My Son
I was told by my counselor at the Methodist Mission Home that I could write Michael a letter and tell him why I put him up for adoption and that the letter would be given to him when he was 18. I didn’t write the letter before I left the agency I had no idea what I wanted to say in the letter to him. The summer 0f 1978, I met a wonderful man Mike within two weeks of meeting him I told him about the baby I had, and that I had but him up for adoption, I didn’t want to start out with any secrets in the relationship.
In May 1979 Mike and I got married we had no secrets between us; within 9 months we decided we wanted to try to have a baby. I just knew within a month or so I would be pregnant, months went by and I didn’t get pregnant. I started thinking that God was punishing me for giving my son up for adoption that he wasn’t going to let me have another baby. In June 1982 I started thinking about the letter that the adoption agency told me I could write to my son. So I wrote the agency asking them if I could still write the letter and to give them my name change and address and phone number so they would have it if they ever had to contact me for any reason.
Here is the short letter I wrote to my son on Augusts 9th, 1982
To my son,
I hope you will understand why I gave you up for adoption, when you were born I was just 17 years old. I want you to know that I love you very much and always will. I wanted you to have two parents, I couldn’t give you that all I could give you is love and you needed more then that you needed a mother and a father.Every December I think of you and wish I could tell you happy birthday in this letter I want to say happy birthday for the birthdays in the future.
I hope you don’t hate me for what I did; I only did what was best for you at that time. You’re adopted parents love you very much and I love them for wanting you I wish I could thank them. There will always be a place in my heart for you. I hope you are happy and grow up strong and in good health. I want to remember you the way I saw you when you was born.
The reason it took me so long to write is I didn’t know what to say to you, so I am saying what my heart wants me to say. I hope you understand someday why I did what I did.
When I found out I was pregnant I could have took your life but I didn’t I wanted you to live, I hope someday you will understand.
I love you
You’re Natural Mother
I have a copy of that letter I will keep it for ever.
In May 1979 Mike and I got married we had no secrets between us; within 9 months we decided we wanted to try to have a baby. I just knew within a month or so I would be pregnant, months went by and I didn’t get pregnant. I started thinking that God was punishing me for giving my son up for adoption that he wasn’t going to let me have another baby. In June 1982 I started thinking about the letter that the adoption agency told me I could write to my son. So I wrote the agency asking them if I could still write the letter and to give them my name change and address and phone number so they would have it if they ever had to contact me for any reason.
Here is the short letter I wrote to my son on Augusts 9th, 1982
To my son,
I hope you will understand why I gave you up for adoption, when you were born I was just 17 years old. I want you to know that I love you very much and always will. I wanted you to have two parents, I couldn’t give you that all I could give you is love and you needed more then that you needed a mother and a father.Every December I think of you and wish I could tell you happy birthday in this letter I want to say happy birthday for the birthdays in the future.
I hope you don’t hate me for what I did; I only did what was best for you at that time. You’re adopted parents love you very much and I love them for wanting you I wish I could thank them. There will always be a place in my heart for you. I hope you are happy and grow up strong and in good health. I want to remember you the way I saw you when you was born.
The reason it took me so long to write is I didn’t know what to say to you, so I am saying what my heart wants me to say. I hope you understand someday why I did what I did.
When I found out I was pregnant I could have took your life but I didn’t I wanted you to live, I hope someday you will understand.
I love you
You’re Natural Mother
I have a copy of that letter I will keep it for ever.
Monday, October 23, 2006
The Beginning
It was July 1976 when I found out I was pregnant , I never felt so
a lone in my life and afraid. I didn’t know what I was going to do, or how I was going to tell my Dad . I was afraid how he was going to take the news that I was pregnant. I went to a close friend of my Dad’s and I asked her to tell him for me and she did. When she did my Dad came to me and told me he loved me and wanted to do what was best for me and the baby. He told me I couldn’t keep the baby that I had to give it up for adoption or marry the person that got me that way , I knew marriage wasn’t the way I wanted to go at that time.
A week later my dad told me we was going to go talk to someone about putting the baby up for adoption, I told him I didn’t want to talk to no one that I was going to keep the baby he said I was going that he thought it was best for both me and the baby to go talk to this minister at the Methodist Church in Abilene . When we got to the church we went into the minister’s office and waited for him to come. He came in and talked to us, then talked to me and asked what I wanted to do I told him I wanted to keep the baby, he asked me how I was going to do it with no job and still in school, I said I would do it someway some how.
He went on to say that there was a lot of couples that wanted children but couldn’t have one for one reason or another. That it would be unselfish of me to give someone a chance to raise my baby as their own and a chance to be parents. I told him I would think on what he said. He started to tell me about an adoption agency in San Antonio that would help me, he said it was a Methodist Home and I could go stay there until my baby was born and I could continue to go to school while I was there so I wouldn‘t miss out on school . I told him I would think about what he had said but my parents had already made up their mind I was going I just didn’t know about it yet.
When we got back home my dad told me I was going to San Antonio to the Methodist Mission Home .That it was the best thing I could do for the baby is to give it up for adoption. I told him when I started showing that I wouldn’t go anywhere, that I would stay in my room that I didn’t want to go to that place that I wanted to keep my baby, he said that it wouldn’t be fair for me or the baby if I kept the baby and that I was going. A week later I was getting ready to go to San Antonio for a Four month stay at the Methodist Mission Home for unwed mother’s.
The day came when I was to leave for San Antonio I had already felt the baby move in my stomach so the baby was more real to me and made me want to keep it more but way down deep I knew giving the baby up for adoption was the best thing to do because I knew I couldn‘t give it what it really needed. I wanted the baby to grow up with two parents , the baby needed a father and that’s what I couldn‘t give it. On the way to San Antonio we stopped in Austin to see my older stepsister and family and went on to San Antonio that was the longest day of my life because I was going to a place I didn’t want to go.When I got to the Methodist Mission Home I was so scared and I felt all alone, when my parents left me there I didn’t know what to expect. I was assign to room 34C that had another girl in it so I had a room mate. She had one side of the room and I had the other , the room was small but big enough for two people. Her baby was due before mine the end of November she had been at the home for a few weeks ,she was from the San Antonio area there was a few girls that was from the area but most was from out of town like me.The first week I was there I saw the Doctor that was to deliver my baby, he told me my baby was due January 1st 1977, so the wait for my baby to be born was on this was only the end of August.
I notice as time went by that the baby was getting more active and moved a lot, it felt like the baby was dancing on my bladder. I would lay in bed at night thinking about the baby and wonder who the baby would look like, would it look like me or it’s father. I tried not to think about the baby’s father to much because of what he did when he was told about the pregnancy , he denied being my baby’s father. That hurt me dearly because he was the one and only person that I have been with. Methodist Mission Home had a hard time tracking him down to sign the papers so the baby could be adopted out. The days went by slowly like time had stopped, I saw girls go home one by one and new girls come in scared and afraid like I was not knowing what they was going to do.
December 1976
On December 2, the doctor came to the home to check everyone and on that day I didn’t feel myself , I went to see the doctor he told me I could be having the baby sooner then January 1st. That afternoon I spent a lot of time by myself because I knew it was nearly time to decide what I was going to do. By the end of that day I decided that the best thing I could do for my baby was to give it up for adoption , I only thought about what was best for my baby I didn’t think about what it would do to me.
I went into labor on the night of December 2, I was taken to the hospital and put in a room with a bed, I was told to take all my clothes off and to put a gown on, and get into bed. They came in to check me and to get me ready for delivery. They gave me some meds to make me sleep during the labor and delivery. I was in labor until the morning of December 4th, Michael was born at 2:58 am. I didn’t wakeup until several hours later and could not recall the birth of my son.I didn’t know how long I was in labor, or if they would even tell me what my baby was.
The nurses in the recovery room weren’t very nice to me. When they saw I was awake they went and got a wheelchair and took me to my room. I was in a room by myself with no one to talk to. The only people I was able to talk to was the people from the Methodist Mission Home, and the nurses on the floor that came in my room.
My room was down the hall from the nursery and I was told not to go down there to look at the babies to stay away from there. A nurse from the home came to see me one day, and told me that my son looked a lot like me, and that he had my nose.The day I was leaving the hospital was the day I was going to see my son for the first and last time. They took me to the nursery, to a room in the back away from all the other babies, one of the ladies from the home told a nurse to go get the Bucher baby. She came back with Michael. He was so small, I was a little afraid to hold him because I had never held a baby that small before but I did hold him, and counted his fingers and toes to make sure all was there. Just like any new mother would do. While I was holding him I looked at his face so I would never forget it.That day was the worst day in my life, seeing my son and having to leave him at the hospital. Knowing that I would never see him again.
The first night back at the Methodist Mission Home was very hard on me. I stayed in my room and cried my eyes out because I wanted my son back. Part of me died that day that part I will never get back, it’s gone from me forever.I was to stay at the Methodist Mission Home for at lest one week after the birth of my son to make sure everything was ok and that I wasn’t going to have any problems. During that week, I spent a lot of time by myself doing a lot of thinking and crying.
There was a big tree that I went to sometimes just to get away from everyone, and to talk to my son when I was pregnant hoping he would understand someday what I was about to do. The last week I was at the Methodist Mission Home I spent a lot of time at that tree crying and praying that my son wouldn’t hate me for what I did and hoping he would want to know me someday. I was told by the counselor to forget about what had happen and to go on with my life, all though I have gone on with my life, I have never forgotten my son and I never will.
When I got home from San Antonio, I was a different person my life well never be the same. A long time after I got back from San Antonio I wouldn’t go anywhere our do anything, I just wanted to be left alone,but it did get a little better as time went by, but not one day went by that I didn’t think about Michael.
a lone in my life and afraid. I didn’t know what I was going to do, or how I was going to tell my Dad . I was afraid how he was going to take the news that I was pregnant. I went to a close friend of my Dad’s and I asked her to tell him for me and she did. When she did my Dad came to me and told me he loved me and wanted to do what was best for me and the baby. He told me I couldn’t keep the baby that I had to give it up for adoption or marry the person that got me that way , I knew marriage wasn’t the way I wanted to go at that time.
A week later my dad told me we was going to go talk to someone about putting the baby up for adoption, I told him I didn’t want to talk to no one that I was going to keep the baby he said I was going that he thought it was best for both me and the baby to go talk to this minister at the Methodist Church in Abilene . When we got to the church we went into the minister’s office and waited for him to come. He came in and talked to us, then talked to me and asked what I wanted to do I told him I wanted to keep the baby, he asked me how I was going to do it with no job and still in school, I said I would do it someway some how.
He went on to say that there was a lot of couples that wanted children but couldn’t have one for one reason or another. That it would be unselfish of me to give someone a chance to raise my baby as their own and a chance to be parents. I told him I would think on what he said. He started to tell me about an adoption agency in San Antonio that would help me, he said it was a Methodist Home and I could go stay there until my baby was born and I could continue to go to school while I was there so I wouldn‘t miss out on school . I told him I would think about what he had said but my parents had already made up their mind I was going I just didn’t know about it yet.
When we got back home my dad told me I was going to San Antonio to the Methodist Mission Home .That it was the best thing I could do for the baby is to give it up for adoption. I told him when I started showing that I wouldn’t go anywhere, that I would stay in my room that I didn’t want to go to that place that I wanted to keep my baby, he said that it wouldn’t be fair for me or the baby if I kept the baby and that I was going. A week later I was getting ready to go to San Antonio for a Four month stay at the Methodist Mission Home for unwed mother’s.
The day came when I was to leave for San Antonio I had already felt the baby move in my stomach so the baby was more real to me and made me want to keep it more but way down deep I knew giving the baby up for adoption was the best thing to do because I knew I couldn‘t give it what it really needed. I wanted the baby to grow up with two parents , the baby needed a father and that’s what I couldn‘t give it. On the way to San Antonio we stopped in Austin to see my older stepsister and family and went on to San Antonio that was the longest day of my life because I was going to a place I didn’t want to go.When I got to the Methodist Mission Home I was so scared and I felt all alone, when my parents left me there I didn’t know what to expect. I was assign to room 34C that had another girl in it so I had a room mate. She had one side of the room and I had the other , the room was small but big enough for two people. Her baby was due before mine the end of November she had been at the home for a few weeks ,she was from the San Antonio area there was a few girls that was from the area but most was from out of town like me.The first week I was there I saw the Doctor that was to deliver my baby, he told me my baby was due January 1st 1977, so the wait for my baby to be born was on this was only the end of August.
I notice as time went by that the baby was getting more active and moved a lot, it felt like the baby was dancing on my bladder. I would lay in bed at night thinking about the baby and wonder who the baby would look like, would it look like me or it’s father. I tried not to think about the baby’s father to much because of what he did when he was told about the pregnancy , he denied being my baby’s father. That hurt me dearly because he was the one and only person that I have been with. Methodist Mission Home had a hard time tracking him down to sign the papers so the baby could be adopted out. The days went by slowly like time had stopped, I saw girls go home one by one and new girls come in scared and afraid like I was not knowing what they was going to do.
December 1976
On December 2, the doctor came to the home to check everyone and on that day I didn’t feel myself , I went to see the doctor he told me I could be having the baby sooner then January 1st. That afternoon I spent a lot of time by myself because I knew it was nearly time to decide what I was going to do. By the end of that day I decided that the best thing I could do for my baby was to give it up for adoption , I only thought about what was best for my baby I didn’t think about what it would do to me.
I went into labor on the night of December 2, I was taken to the hospital and put in a room with a bed, I was told to take all my clothes off and to put a gown on, and get into bed. They came in to check me and to get me ready for delivery. They gave me some meds to make me sleep during the labor and delivery. I was in labor until the morning of December 4th, Michael was born at 2:58 am. I didn’t wakeup until several hours later and could not recall the birth of my son.I didn’t know how long I was in labor, or if they would even tell me what my baby was.
The nurses in the recovery room weren’t very nice to me. When they saw I was awake they went and got a wheelchair and took me to my room. I was in a room by myself with no one to talk to. The only people I was able to talk to was the people from the Methodist Mission Home, and the nurses on the floor that came in my room.
My room was down the hall from the nursery and I was told not to go down there to look at the babies to stay away from there. A nurse from the home came to see me one day, and told me that my son looked a lot like me, and that he had my nose.The day I was leaving the hospital was the day I was going to see my son for the first and last time. They took me to the nursery, to a room in the back away from all the other babies, one of the ladies from the home told a nurse to go get the Bucher baby. She came back with Michael. He was so small, I was a little afraid to hold him because I had never held a baby that small before but I did hold him, and counted his fingers and toes to make sure all was there. Just like any new mother would do. While I was holding him I looked at his face so I would never forget it.That day was the worst day in my life, seeing my son and having to leave him at the hospital. Knowing that I would never see him again.
The first night back at the Methodist Mission Home was very hard on me. I stayed in my room and cried my eyes out because I wanted my son back. Part of me died that day that part I will never get back, it’s gone from me forever.I was to stay at the Methodist Mission Home for at lest one week after the birth of my son to make sure everything was ok and that I wasn’t going to have any problems. During that week, I spent a lot of time by myself doing a lot of thinking and crying.
There was a big tree that I went to sometimes just to get away from everyone, and to talk to my son when I was pregnant hoping he would understand someday what I was about to do. The last week I was at the Methodist Mission Home I spent a lot of time at that tree crying and praying that my son wouldn’t hate me for what I did and hoping he would want to know me someday. I was told by the counselor to forget about what had happen and to go on with my life, all though I have gone on with my life, I have never forgotten my son and I never will.
When I got home from San Antonio, I was a different person my life well never be the same. A long time after I got back from San Antonio I wouldn’t go anywhere our do anything, I just wanted to be left alone,but it did get a little better as time went by, but not one day went by that I didn’t think about Michael.
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